Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
