My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
