It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
