well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
