I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
