Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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