It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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