Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
