You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
