I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
