remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
