hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
