also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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