I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
