It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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