somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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