no, he came in my armpit
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
