dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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