you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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