You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
