When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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