god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize