Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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