I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
