At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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