This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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