god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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