Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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