well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
