I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
