I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
too bad you live with your parents still
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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