Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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