hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
