I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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