You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
