Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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