its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
