i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
