Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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