Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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