the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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