When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
