Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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