New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
