A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
