Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
