DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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