The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
