I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
