Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
