I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm getting married
To pizza
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
