Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
