We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize