i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
