I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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