She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
