8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
