Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
