I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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