I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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