oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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