can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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