Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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