I don't usually arrange sex via text message
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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