Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
