He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
