I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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