my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
