I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
